"Major BDSM vibes in early New England"

I think a lot about how America was born of a death cult.

And about how shame (or should I say unresolved shame) is at the core of every Big Weird Thing about this country.

And how our obsession with punishment is—in addition to being rooted in gleeful racism, misogyny and queerphobia—seemingly deeply rooted in a kink-forward relationship with God.

So imagine my delight and surprise when I read Jane Borden's Cults Like Us: Why Doomsday Thinking Drives America, which fortifies both conclusions while underscoring that the United States is so good at creating cults because we are ourselves born of one.

On the kink and punishment tip, Borden writes:

In addition to fearing doomsday, residents worried God would punish the settlement if they didn’t each stay in line. So they preempted the possibility. Punishment was central to the colony’s theology and government, as well as to everyone’s identity and understanding of their relationship with both corporeal and eternal life. Punishment was also New England’s primary source of entertainment. The more humiliating, the better. In the 1620s, John Oldham was banished from Plymouth for insolence and dissension. But he came back. So they kicked him out again, this time through a spank tunnel. A guard of musketeers lined up in a row leading toward a waiting boat. Oldham was forced to walk through, while each gave him “a thump on the breech with the butt of his musket.”

Common punishments for petty crimes were just as humiliating. Condemned Puritans were forced to stand on boxes in the center of town with notes pinned to them detailing their wickedness so everyone could stare in judgment. Bystanders could also toss detritus at any adjudged whose ankles were tied up in a bilbo, legs fastened in stocks, or wrists and neck locked in the pillory. Major BDSM vibes in early New England. 

Fornication, that is, sex outside of marriage, was by far the most common crime. A Plymouth trial in 1671 investigated accusations made toward a woman named Mary. She confessed to fornicating three times and even shared specific dates, possibly America’s first humble brag. Court proceedings were a public spectacle here, conducted so in order to maximize humiliation and social control. She was fined £6. Two pounds per tryst: the cost of doing business.

Heftier crimes drew savage penalties. In addition to whippings, branding was common, the hot iron applied to the criminal’s skin in the courtroom, just after sentencing. A for adultery, B for burglary, D for drunkenness. M for that is Messed up. Abel Buell took one to the forehead for counterfeiting money in Connecticut. He also had the tip of his ear clipped off and reattached. During its brief period of separation, the fragment was stored on his tongue. Some condemned criminals had ears cut off completely.

Gossiping, flirting, swearing, smoking, playing ball sports, doing almost anything on the Sabbath—all crimes. Skipping church or talking smack about the pastor were punishable. Even interrupting the preacher was considered a crime. Blasphemy called for the death sentence. America today has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world.

You should absolutely read Borden's book. It is a delight.