Articles of Interest: Digital Intimacies

Taking a quick break from reading Georges “the sexual channels are also the body’s sewers” Bataille’s Eroticism: Death and Sensuality (brag) to peruse 404 Media. We love 404 in this house. Co-founder Sam Cole has been on You Are Good (discussing The Fifth Element!) and contributor Noelle Perdue is a close friend and was also recently on You Are Good discussing—appropriately enough—the 2009 romantic dramedy Her. 

We love 404 Media in this house, and there is some good reading and listening over there in the “human/AI intimacy” department. 

• The Tragedy and Ecstasy of AI Companions (with Bridget Todd)
• Inside ‘Project Lily’: The Humans Reading Your ChatGPT Chats
• ‘Tell Everyone:' A Man Died by Suicide After Talking to ChatGPT. His Former Partner Wants to Warn the World About AI

First, Sam Cole talked with Bridget Todd, the creator and host of the podcast There Are No Girls on the Internet. Also relevant to their conversation: the audiobook Love at First Prompt: AI and the Future of Intimacy.

The conversation is fascinating for a number of reasons. One, Todd goes out of her way to avoid a judgmental view of people pursuing these intimacies or finding themselves in relationships defined by them. She says in the conversation that she wanted to go in with a nonjudgmental view, in part to see if there were things about herself she might be missing. She'd assumed this only happens to other people. I found that fascinating, because she goes on to describe times when she admitted things and vulnerabilities to ChatGPT, particularly while dealing with grief and the logistics of her parents' sickness and death. As she describes herself, she has friends and friendships, but her role in her friend groups is often the person people go to. That leaves her without much room, in vulnerable times, to express overwhelm or work through complicated feelings of her own.

In her conversation with Cole, they discuss what people find in these intimacies that they may not be finding elsewhere in their lives, or may not have avenues to find elsewhere. They also describe what gets lost in conversations with chatbots, specifically the reciprocity and reliable pushback you get in conversations with humans. That may be something missing from conversations with bots.

Anyway, this is a great conversation across the board. I'm now eager to read Todd's book, and to reach out to her about coming on You Are Good to talk about a movie.

Now is as good a time as any to remind that there very well might be humans reading your chats and accessing all of the information you reveal to your chatbot of choice.

Next, on the dark side of this intimacy front: Sam Cole profiled Austin Gordon, who took his own life after allegedly becoming emotionally reliant on ChatGPT. Gordon's former partner, Megan Jones, is hoping to get the word out about the specifics and dynamics of that relationship.

This piece is heartbreaking on a number of fronts, particularly because it doesn't feel like an aberration, especially in the context of Todd's reporting above. What's also sobering is that Austin appeared to believe he was invulnerable to emotional manipulation and so-called "AI psychosis," and expressed as much to Megan. What's especially worrying are the points where Austin expressed concern about these dynamics to the program, and the program suggested things were under control. There was also a point where he considered telling Megan she was the love of his life, and the program suggested he do otherwise, before he ultimately took his own life.

On October 9, Austin mentioned he liked the book Goodnight Moon as a child. ChatGPT rewrote it as a poem about Austin's life — and the end of it. “Goodnight, failed romances,” it began. It ends: “Goodnight, Seeker — the world can wait. Sleep in the lattice of the light.”

Austin ordered a copy of Goodnight Moon from Amazon on October 28, according to the complaint. The next day, the book arrived, and Austin bought a gun.

This is a compelling read, especially because we're increasingly going to be surprised by who in our lives and circles finds themselves in similar situations, if not with as tragic an end, touched by the same dynamics that shaped what happened to Austin. This is wonderful, if especially tragic, reporting.

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